Ten Things To Do During The Christmas Holidays Besides Getting Drunk and/or Making An Ass Of Yourself To Family Members

1. Burn the Christmas gifts. Better yet, burn the Christmas tree.

2. Try to hide the family dog and replace it with a stuffed dog.

3. Watch porn in the living room while everyone is in the living room.

4. Let your nephew and nieces meet Jack Daniels.

5. Pretend you're high by making baby powder stains below your nose and sniff while rubbing your fingers at your nostrils.

6. Introduce the wonderful music of Lordi to older relatives.

7. Wear uncomfortably short shorts during a family reunion if you're a guy. Wear your underwear over jeans and a shirt if you're a gal.

8. Hand out knitted woolen condoms.

9. When somebody talks to you, pretend you hear their voice but can't see them.

10. Sell Amway products to close relatives during Noche Buena.